February 14th this year will mark my dad's 3 years of passing away. It's 'sort of' better each year... I still miss him a lot and very much, but over the years I just get better at getting out of the mourning hole. His passing is like this one folder of gloom and mourning, and I have learned to keep the folder inside a drawer all the way on the back in my heart and I have learned not to visit the drawer often. But just recently, I realized I have never got the time to let my dad's passing to sink in and I never paid tribute to him properly. So I decided to pay a visit to the back and opened the drawer and pulled out few memories of my dad.
My dad visited Melbourne on 2011 with my mother. When he came back from the trip he showed me lots of photos he took on many tourist landmarks in Melbourne and he told me many stories about it also... including information about RMIT University. I never get to visit Melbourne with him, but I did decided to continue my postgraduate study in RMIT. I studied in Melbourne for 1,5 years and I finally finished my postgraduate study and recently graduated with master's degree last year on mid December. I spent an extra month to travel, pack and just rest before I have to go back to home country for good. Before I flew back home, I decided to reminisce my dad in a way that I could enjoy.
I looked up some photos of my parents' trip to Melbourne and chose several photos of my dad. I decided to go around few places in Melbourne and replicate his photos. I asked good friends of mine to help me take photos and travel with me. Here are few shots that we replicated:
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| University of Melbourne/Swanston st |
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| University of Melbourne |
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| Carlton Gardens |
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| Albert st/Nicholson St |
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| Parliament Garden |
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| Parliament Garden |
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| Hotel Windsor |
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| Old Treasury Building |
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| Treasury Place |
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| Treasury Place |
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| Treasury Place |
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| Old Treasury Place |
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| Old Treasury Place |
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| Old Treasury Place |
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| Old Treasury Place |
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| Federation Square (St. Paul's Cathedral in the back) |
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| Federation Square (Flinders Street Station in the back) |
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| Federation Square |
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| Federation Square |
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| Bourke St |
It was honestly very emotional for me to do this project. To see his photos again... Remembering his face and his awkward poses... reminded me of when he was still around. I managed not to cry though, which is something that don't really happen. Because even though I could be the strongest person, but I'm originally such a cry baby when it comes to my dad. I've been dealing with this matter and I learned that the reason that I always cry when it comes to my dad's passing was because I never let things sink in. I just let it pass and hope it'll go by. I'm probably 3 years late but I want to let his passing sink in within me and just let it be. To truly understand that it is okay for him to go.
I do various things to help me deal with this matter and one of them is learning to talk about it openly with people that are close to me. Talking out loud about it makes me feel better. I cry a lot the first time I read letter to my dad. Second time I talked about it with another person, I only had few drops of tears. It gets less and less burdening every time I share or talk about it. Sharing this in my blog is also one way to heal for me. It is a unique way to remember him, just as unique as his personality.
I'm thankful I have been given the chance to study abroad, and also thankful that it was in the last country/city my dad visited before he passed away. By doing this, I was able to experience what he had experienced... Traveled the places he went, walked the roads he walked, see the things he saw, and so on... Even though we both visited Melbourne in different times, I felt as if I was together with him at that particular moment and place through this project.
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If you're going to take anything from this story of mine is that, do not wait until it's too late. I never knew I would lost my father that soon. I never really appreciate the times I traveled with him previously and I regret it. Go to places with your loved ones and live adventurous life together with them... Go to new places, try new activities, new foods, take photos, write them in journals... I kept thinking how wonderful it would have been, if my dad and I were on the same frame instead of separated...
Another lesson would be... you need to let things sink in. Be it grieving, achievements, breakups, etc... Let things sink in. And find ways that can help you process it. If you need to talk about, then find trusted person and talk about it. If you need to travel, then go! Travel and take time to ponder about things. Let the places you wander to change you and come back changed, renewed and stronger. Don't run from it or hide it. Because by doing that you're letting it imprisoned you.
"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."
-S. Kierkegaard
And talking about it and letting it go, doesn't equal to forgetting about it. I'm trying to let go of my dad's passing, but I will forever remember him. He will always be a HUGE part of me, I am who I am because of him also. So to all of you... go on your pace, let things sink in, let go and hopefully you'll be able to smile as you reminisce.
This post is dedicated to my dad's lover: my mom.
P.S: Kudos to Bayun & Mba Riri for helping me with the project.
Good Lcuk
January 17, 2016
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| "A cake for all is not a celebration of one. Cupcakes are the ultimate birthday cake." (J. Kintz) |
Twenty four
February 10, 2015
Just yesterday I read news on a famous actor passing away and it brought back memories of loss that my family and I experienced this year. Seeing other people and pass away is so horrifying, it is disturbing. We all have faced and/or are facing tragic moments.
That's why I feel the need to post joyful, funny, pretty photos, moments, things. It's not fake. It's not staged, it's not to impress people that I have a perfect life... but it is fighting.
So what am I fighting for? Fighting to think that even through the darkest day, there's still light. Fighting to think upon things that are lovely, worthy, lovable, good and true. To marvel and appreciate that even the smallest detail in life is a gift.
I love everyone around me, but that doesn't necessarily mean I have to share all my trials in life to every single person I meet. But just because I don't post certain things in my life, my thoughts on it or take photos of my bruises and crying tears, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist in my life.
Our greatest addiction is talking about our problem… Why can’t we talk more about our joy? And I simply don’t talk about my problem (except maybe in this post), because not only it won’t solve it, but the more I talk about my problem, the more power I’m feeding it and it will weakens the inner me.
I just wanted to share my heart on this particular matter. And maybe encourage others to be more joyful in life, be true about it and share the joy! If you’re facing problem, then open up if you must, but choose wisely to whom you open up. And I pray for invincible strength for you to go through trials & challenges in your life. God bless~
xo, Chrisya S.
Share Joy
December 1, 2013
Today started with The Faceshop's F/W product launching. Because later on we will be following a makeup demo using the new 2013 F/W FACEit Makeup products, all the T.O.P girls were told to come with no make up on (GASP!!!).
The launching starts by Diane, the overseas marketing staff, introducing herself as the MC. And then it was continued by a presentation on the 2013 F/W product launching by Ms. Kim, the head marketing of Faceshop.
I personally really like these fall winter make up range Faceshop have prepared... The F/W FACEit Lesson 3 - Artist Touch make up includes lipstick, lipgloss and eyeshadow. I personally really like eyeshadow. The shades chosen for this season is very elegant; as they have chosen range of color of brow and gold. Simple and yet classy!
There was also an explanation session of Faceshop's new CC cream product range. They explained how it is different from the existing and famous BB cream. And to spoil us even more, they all gave each one of us a CC cream pack and had our names engraved on the CC cream packaging >___< CC cream with my name on it... one and only in the world!!!
T.O.P Korea - Part 2
July 13, 2013
As I've written before, I won the T.O.P Girl 2013 competition held by The Faceshop... By winning I got various prizes, and one of it includes a 3-days-trip to Korea. After the long wait and a lot of preparation, it's finally June 30th... the day to fly to Kimchi land finally came.
I had Mba Inge from The Faceshop and Mba Maria from Cosmo Girl together on the trip with me. I was actually quite nervous the trip would turn into a deadly silent journey due to the age differences, but both of them were very nice and funny, I actually had a great time talking and spending the trip with them :)
T.O.P Korea - Part 1
July 9, 2013
My dad was born on May 5th, 1963. If he was still here, he will be celebrating his 50th birthday. A golden age. But I guess God had another plan. My dad was ready though... Before he passed away, he was preaching in his Komsel and he declared that if God took him away this year, He is ready. He is ready. It's amazing.
I'd like to take time in this date, to reminisce how amazing my dad was in my life and things he taught me. Maybe he never realized that he taught me these things, but he did played a HUGE role in my life and I am what I am today because of him.
Communication is important
My dad and I is very similar in our characters. One of the most similar character we both have, would be our difficulty in expressing our feelings and emotions. We tend to hide our feelings, or even when we decide to show it... it would always come out wrong. Our words come out wrong, our actions come out wrong. We're just awkward with showing affection. Communication isn't exactly our traits. And the closer the person to us, the harder it is for us to deliver what is on our mind.
But, after going through many things with my family, I realized that the reason we could hold on for so long, was because the communication we had between each other. As I wrote in this post, my dad calls me almost every single day. We talk, email or message each other on daily basis. Whenever my dad is bored, he would either call me or my sister. My dad showed me that no matter how far you are, you have to communicate with your loved ones.
You don't even need to think of heavy topics to discuss... talk about the boy you saw at the mall, the weird advertisement you saw, the funny shopping offers you received... Take time, dial that number, type that message, read that email... anything. Anytime. Communicate.
Wear your smile
When my dad passed away, friends and family would come up to my mother and I, and they would start reminiscing the moments they had with my dad. And I realize one thing that a lot of people would say about my dad... They all say how funny my dad was, and how he would always be the joker whenever there are family gathering. There was almost never a moment anyone caught my dad being sad.
I remember the only one time that my dad cried (not because of God & worship), was when we went back to my dad's hometown to bury my late grandmother. Then the rest of my memory of him, would be him dancing weirdly, smiling and laughing really really (really) loudly.
He taught me to live life with a smile on my face. No matter how hard things are, no matter what life brings to you... smile. Just smile. And in a while, you'll get used to it. And smiling will eventually be a natural thing for you to do.
Be tough, young woman
I don't know why, but in my own theory... Because my father always wanted a son + I am the first born daughter, he applied the 'tough love' method towards me. I realize this, and even my mom sort of 'agreed' to it.
But no, it is not a 'military' kind of tough love. I remember when I graduated from high school, he moved me to Jakarta straight away. I moved alone to my grandma's house and I had really hard time adjusting to the new environment. I remember I had to study the crazy Jakarta public transportation system on my own... I hop into a bus/mikrolet I never been on, then I would write down it's route and how much it costs. I did that almost every day, in the hot sun and in rainy days. I went to colleges and classes on my own, fought with robber, went home late night shifts only to be disturbed and touched by drunken man, cheated by kenek and other unfortunate events.
My dad worried, he would called and constantly asking my whereabouts. But, he knew I had to learn. And I did learned. That is only one out of the many 'tough' lessons he made do... But, I learned that, even as a young woman, that does not mean you cannot stand on your own feet. The world is not getting any kinder, and to survive you gotta be tough. And I realize this toughness is useful in work and other parts of life also.
Marriage is serious business
I think one of the most important lesson my dad ever taught me indirectly is how important marriage is. In the beginning, my father wasn't exactly a 'dream husband' neither was he a 'perfect father'. But, God changed him. And he is definitely a changed man. Years passed by, and each day he is more alike with God and I couldn't have asked for a better example and standard of men in my life.
My father showed me that to be in marriage, you have to fully understand the commitment you are going to be in. That marriage is not merely based in 'love'. A truly holy & blessed matrimony takes time and it will only happen on God's very own will and time.
My dad showed me what kind of marriage I'd like to live in, and he also showed me the kind of man I want to be in my life... But on top of that, he showed me what kind of woman I would like to be for my future husband.
There are many other lessons my dad taught me both directly and indirectly. Those things that I've shared are only a few bits of what he taught me in 22 years of us being together. The lessons that he taught me, I am still constantly battling with it daily. He may be gone, but his lessons will stay with me, and I will continue learning.
Dad, happy birthday! I am glad to have an amazing father like you, and I am forever thankful for the lessons you taught me. I love you always and forever.
xo, Chrisya S.
Golden Age
May 5, 2013
Our class went to Harapan Island (one the island in Kepulauan Seribu area) as a 'goodbye' trip before we graduate. Sadly, not all of our class member could join in the trip. But, it was nonetheless very fun experience! I didn't bring my DSLR, instead I brought my toy camera and I also borrowed my sister's underwater camera. The result just came from the printer today, and it came out pretty good ;) I can't wait to post all of them here later on~
More on Harapan Island coming soon!
xo, Chrisya S.
Harapan Island
May 1, 2013
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