Thirty Five

I'm going to be honest and confess: I actually don't know what to write about for this post. I tried consulting ChatGPT but that AI is not so intelligent, it wasn't very helpful. It did gave me few prompt and also 'recap' on my life, but I didn't feel like any of it really represented my 34th year on earth. But I'm reminded of few quotes that I came across this year and quite a few of them really left a mark in me, so maybe this post is less of a recap and more of a collection of reminders that carried me through the year.

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1) "I don't feel qualified for this & maybe that's the whole point. God never asked for ready, only willing."

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: I am so, so glad I moved out of Jakarta in 2024. I’m grateful I left the city and chose to live on the mountain and I’m grateful for Querencia.

Ten years ago, I started dreaming about building a place where people could rest. Then 11 months ago, together with my mom, we started managing Querencia for real. By the end of 2025, we had welcomed 66 reservations and 147 people — adults, children, even infants. Many guests told us how happy they were, how rested they felt, how they wanted to come back. Some of them actually did.

But still — there are days when I ask myself:

Am I doing the right thing?

Is this really something I can handle?

Every time I remember that I started a business in the hospitality industry with zero background, it scares me a little a lot. Because the truth is, I wasn’t fully ready when I moved out of Jakarta. Querencia wasn’t finished when we started accepting reservations. Nothing was perfectly in place.

But I was willing. And there’s something about doing things before you feel fully qualified — something about choosing willingness over readiness — that I believe will take us far.

2) "There is so much power in believing that everything will work out, even when you don't know how and when. You just believe it will."

I’ve always believed this. But when things don’t fall into place and things don't go the way you've planned, belief can feel fragile — harder to hold, harder to understand. But this year taught me that belief doesn’t always look like confidence or certainty. Sometimes it looks like staying steady when things feel slow, unclear or unfinished.

I'm always somewhere between my biggest crash-outs and my most peaceful era. In the midst of those moments, I learned that faith isn’t about knowing how things will work out — it’s about trusting that they will, even when the timeline stretches longer than expected or head towards a new path. I’ve also learned that things not working out can be a blessing too. Redirection. Protection. Timing I don’t yet understand.

For years, I've carried this mindset quietly:

I don’t care if it takes six months or six years. If I want it, I trust that I can achieve it.

And I personally think when that becomes your baseline, your life really does start to change. Like nothing in life feels completely out of my reach anymore.

3) "Self funded trips hit different. I'm not just traveling, I'm honoring the version of me who worked hard for this."

This sentence hit me deeply. Traveling this year didn’t feel like escape — it felt like acknowledgment. Every trip reminded me that I earned this version of my life. That I showed up, stayed responsible and kept going even when things felt heavy.

I think people sometimes assume that having your own business and juggling multiple jobs at the same time means you’re swimming in money. But let me tell you the truth, I’m not. Querencia is still very new... and a lot of what I earn goes right back into keeping it running — salaries, rent, operations, marketing.

It’s not glamorous. But I wanna be honest.
My money isn’t endless. But it’s enough.

Then when I do have extra money to splurge on, I choose to spend what I have on experiences that enrich me — not to escape my life, but to live it more fully. Yes, my savings feel thinner after traveling, but this is my only life, and I don’t want to live it out of fear or guilt.

And there’s a very specific kind of moment that made all of this click for me. It's when I’ve paid everyone’s salaries, covered bills, handled marketing costs — and after that, I find myself sitting in a park in Seoul, eating kimbap I bought for myself. In that moment, I thought to myself: Oh. I can do this? Oh wow, I CAN do this.

That makes me super grateful. Realizing that I can fund my own joys while still being responsible. I can pay everyone and everything. I can keep Querencia going. And I can still afford moments that make my life feel full.

The numbers in my bank account might not look impressive, but I feel content. I feel provided for. I feel richer than I ever expected to feel. Those small, ordinary moments remind me that I’m enough — and that, somehow, my life is too. And every now and then, a random wave of gratitude hits me and gently reminds me just how blessed I am.

4) "May the quality of people you attract be a reflection of all the healing and hard work you've put into yourself over the years"

This quote feels less like a quote and more like a quiet prayer. Over the years, I’ve done the uncomfortable work of unlearning patterns, setting boundaries, and choosing myself — even when it felt lonely. And this year, I’ve become more intentional about the people I keep close. I make sure I surround myself with people of quality — people who don’t look at what you have to compare, but to see if your cup has enough and how they can help fill it.

I have friends who genuinely support me and my business. I have people around me who celebrate my wins without jealousy and hold space for me when things feel heavy. I also experienced moments that reminded me how generous and unexpected life can be when you move through it with sincerity instead of competition. And I have family who supports my dream wholeheartedly — who not only encourages me, but prays for me and the life I’m building.

This year reminded me that healing doesn’t just change how you feel about yourself — it changes who you allow into your life.

5) Proverbs 4:5–6

"Get wisdom, get understanding;

do not forget my words or turn away from them.
Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you;
love her, and she will watch over you."

I received this verse during my prayer on my 34th birthday last year. But if I’m being honest, I don’t think I’ve lived it out very well — not yet. I do think I make better decisions than I did years ago. I pause more. I think longer. I choose with more intention... But wisdom still feels far away.

Building a business with my mom hasn’t been easy. There were moments when I escalated instead of softening. I wish I had acted with more restraint, more wisely. Running Querencia also means handling different people, requests and unexpected situations — and there were times when anxiety took over and I wish I had responded more calmly, more wisely.

This year reminded me that growth doesn’t mean you stop slipping — it just means you notice it more clearly. So as I step into 35, this verse feels less like something I’ve mastered and more like an invitation.

To pause before reacting.
To move slower.
To choose understanding over ego.

Not perfection — just progress.

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Honestly, I read a lot of things this year. But these five lingered the longest, and I wanted to write them down here — as a record, for myself. And I don’t know exactly what 35 will bring. I don’t know the lessons, the challenges, or the shape my life will take next. But if this year taught me anything, it’s that I don’t need to know everything in advance.